It’s been 4 months since I last visited the Big Smoke, the place I called home for so many years and I’m telling you it felt so good to be back there again.
The winter months in London are always my favourite. The city feels more cosy and I feel more relaxed. Maybe it’s because you don’t sweat out of every pore on the tube(well apart from every station on the Bakerloo line!). The reason for this trip? One of my best friend’s baby shower. I know, I never realised becoming an adult was attending weddings, baby showers and arranging couples dinners but it is and I’m not so secretly loving it. This time it was just me and there is something so nice about travelling solo back to one of your favourite cities. Don’t get me wrong, i love showing friends and family around this city but this time I didn’t have to wait, to look around, to slow down my pace. I was back in my London habitat.
Leaving London 2 years ago wasn’t hard to do. In fact the decision was very simple and it only took us a month to hand in notices, let our flat go, pack our belongings and head back down the A303. But since then there have been times where I’ve achingly missed the city. But then I realised, I think i miss it now because of the person I’ve become.
A and I have built more of our life back in Devon and that is comforting. I’ve also become more confident and content in myself and my home and I think this is why coming back to London feels so much better.
The rush of the city that no longer controls me. I am in charge of me being in London. I’m not striving to exist, being swallowed up and unceremoniously chewed out. I am living London how it should be. Full of the bright lights, cocktails with friends, sharing their special moments. And then returning to the humdrum of a small village in Devon. London has that gravitational pull that I’ll never be able to resist. It’s as if i have to go back often just to centre myself again. Know that I did okay, made the right choices, that I’m still in love with the city and that I’m also in love with my not so new life.