:: DID I USE TO BE COOLER? ::
I use to think I was cooler; well, at least I thought so. I mean, I'm writing this at 10.30pm in my pjs after taking a break from colouring. Rock n Roll right?
Life used to be about London living; I was out most evenings, laughing with friends, drinking cocktails and hangovers didn't really exist. I wasn't always using London to it's full extent but I was busy. Socialising at night, managing an architectural practice by the day. It was exhausting and fun and so, so different from the life I lead now.
Yes I'm still pre 30, but I'm post 25 and life seems to have just shifted a gear or 2, maybe even 3.
Maybe content is the word to describe life now. It used to be hectic, busy, angry, busy again. And now it's content. I sometimes achingly miss the city. Miss it with every fibre; from the glorious sites, to the convenience of everything. I miss saying that's where I was living, where I had spent 7 years of my life. The London lifestyle; it's easy to be consumed by certain parts of it and it's so easy to miss at times. But then I remember how miserable it was making my family life. London isn't for everyone. Maybe city life in general isn't for everyone. I probably could have stuck it out for longer, but it wasn't making OUR life better.
Life now is about home and what our future is going to be. June is exciting and nearly here and I'll go from Miss to Mrs. And life will change again. It'll grow and that kind of change I'm excited for. It's going to bring about the ideas of what an adult life is. Decisions made because you're doing it together. A and I will have been together 8 years by the time we say I do, but there's something new when it's put on paper. What should we save, what housewares should we buy, when should we have kids? So many questions that for some reason, for me at least, have more weight and importance by the time June comes.
Often I wish we were a little closer to a big city; London, Bristol, Cardiff etc. to give me that bright lights syndrome more often. Maybe because I still want the cool factor that cities bring, but if I'm perfectly honest, life fills like it has been meaning now. Like the pause button has stopped working and life is on the go again. That's not to say that I'm out every night, in fact it's the opposite and I'm quite thrilled about it.
It may not be the same as living a 'cool' life by saying I live in the big city but I love this life now. It's about staying in, being at home, cooking, dog walks, meeting friends in the local, being in your pjs, boxsets.
And now? Well now I'm certainly not a city slicker but I've already travelled more since moving than before, and in general done more because I feel happier, because our life seems simpler and safer. I'd say I'm determined & happy. And if I'm being honest that's the reason for life in the first place right?