Thoughts on Loneliness
There's something to be said about loneliness. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. Then it can hold you in a vice like grip. And other times it can fade within seconds.
Funnily enough I started to write this post just before Hannah published hers about living away from friends. And she's right, being away from your best friends SUCKS! It's the thing that has hit me hardest since moving back from Devon. Friendships are hard to come by and mine don't even live within a 20 mile radius, they don't even live within a 50 mile radius! Catch ups are meticulously planned and involve long car journeys, train rides, hotels and whole weekends away. Not the quick, 'I'm 10 minutes away pop the kettle on.'
And it isn't just friends, A works evenings on a rota system which he doesn't tend to get in advance. It can make it hard to plan things and after a long day at work it would just be the best to unwind with your favourite person, perhaps go out and grab a bite to eat, head to the cinema, just do something...together. My loneliness tends to hit most after I'm back from work, run away and sorted the puppy out, cooked dinner and sit to eat it. It's while I'm eating that it dawns on me that I'm on my own again, that can be a toughy.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't want this to be a Kelsey's lists of annoyances and whine my way through this post. I'm an only child, I'd like to say I'm pretty good with my own company. I've had years to be used to it and there are even times when I can't wait for it to be just me. But it's learning to adapt and build and without your favourite support systems around you it can be tiresome. You want to talk through your day with your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend etc. You want to go shopping and have honest opinions from your besties. You want those heart-to-heart, life evaluating conversations in person, not through emails and texts.
Loneliness can make you mope, it can make you overthink and it can make you cathartic, snippy and just meh. So how to fight it? I try and keep busy, say yes to people, but try to also enjoy the time I have to myself. To not let my own company engulf me and turn me into some misery. Read that book, bake that cake, watch all the rubbish tv without any judgement. Do you, unashamedly, and when you meet those friends and you have time with your other half relish it, do something with that time. Forget the loneliness, yeah it may come back, but have fun while it's not there.